{"id":27499,"date":"2018-11-24T00:22:02","date_gmt":"2018-11-24T00:22:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.eurocircle.com\/euro\/?p=27499"},"modified":"2018-11-24T17:44:19","modified_gmt":"2018-11-24T17:44:19","slug":"do-you-know-what-its-like-to-be-an-immigrant-in-america","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.eurocircle.com\/euro\/do-you-know-what-its-like-to-be-an-immigrant-in-america\/","title":{"rendered":"Do You Know What It\u2019s Like to Be an Immigrant in America?"},"content":{"rendered":"

TESSA LENA <\/strong>
\nTessa Lena, who wrote this article, is an immigrant artist, writer and entrepreneur living in the East Village of New York. She is the founder of VulnerableWin, a community in a community initiative designed to restore the art of dialogue and to help people talk to each other over disagreements and cultural differences. Her motto is,<\/em> “See a fellow human.”<\/em>
\n\"\"Overnight, many of my friends have become great experts on the culture of my home country \u2014 a place they have never visited.<\/p>\n

When I was 5 years old, my Soviet teacher announced that America wanted to nuke us for our freedom, and that a missile could hit any moment. That day, I couldn\u2019t focus on my homework, and I couldn\u2019t sleep at night. I was just staring at the window in fear, waiting for the nuclear missile to fly in and burn us all to ashes. I didn\u2019t want to die.<\/p>\n

Later on, I learned that it was a blatant lie. Nobody was trying to nuke us. When I came to the States and told this story to my American-born friends, I discovered that they, too, had lived in fear of being nuked. We laughed about the glitch, and life went on.<\/p>\n

Fast-forward 20 years, and the Russians are at it again. Vodka-drinking GRU operatives with heavy accents are waging cyberwar against America and inundating us with fake news. I call America home now, and I don\u2019t feel so good.<\/p>\n

The other day somebody posted a link to a Russian restaurant with a comment, \u201cRussian food? NO, THANK YOU.\u201d I said nothing, and bitterly unfollowed. I guess they have never tried my mom\u2019s borscht.<\/p>\n

Overnight, many of my friends have become great experts on the culture of my home country \u2014 a place they have never visited. To avoid argument, I have trained myself not to interrupt them with passionate tirades against stereotyping. I am frustrated with being pigeonholed in a whole new way \u2014 the Russian bear now has Vladimir Putin\u2019s head \u2014 yet I know that my friends are acting in self-defense. I remember.<\/p>\n

But there is something else I will never forget: The year is 2002, and I am in the back of an immigration van, handcuffed to two young Chinese girls who are crying at the top of their lungs, scared even more than I am. Me, playing tough, and the girls, wailing like crazy.<\/p>\n

\u201cI hate Chinese people. Why do they come here?\u201d These are the words the driver utters, as he makes sure to drive rough so that our helpless, chained bodies hit the walls of the van.<\/p>\n

I feel bad for the girls. They don\u2019t speak English, and in their eyes I can see undiluted animal fear. As for myself, what am I doing in the back of an immigration van, chained to two strange women, listening to a sadist in uniform? Why am I in shackles? Sadly, I married the wrong guy. He was kind and charming when we were dating, then turned abusive on the day we got married. When he realized that he could no longer control me, he brilliantly decided to take care of the \u201cproblem\u201d by getting me deported. \u201cThey won\u2019t believe you,\u201d he said. \u201cYou are a nobody. An immigrant. I am an American.\u201d<\/p>\n

Do you know what it feels like when four armed men walk into your apartment, grab you by the hands, cuff you and walk you out of the door as a criminal? If you haven\u2019t lived it, I bet you don\u2019t.<\/p>\n

As an immigrant fighting with teeth and claws for every set of papers, hopping from one visa to another, infinitely applying for something and infinitely waiting for something, you get used to excruciating uncertainty \u2014 you never know where you are going to be tomorrow, you live in-between worlds. But I know I followed the rules. I followed the rules religiously. And there I was, in the back of a van, banging my head on the hard surface with each rough turn, and listening to the screams of the young women chained to my arms.<\/p>\n

Do you know what it feels like? You don\u2019t, do you? Fear and uncertainty sitting heavy inside your chest. No rights. \u201cBut Tessa, this was just a mistake. Clearly it was wrong but it was just a mistake. Mistakes happen.\u201d Reasoning sound great when it\u2019s not about you or your family. But when you are on the receiving end, it\u2019s hard to theorize. For a long time, I thought it was just a mistake, my individual tragedy, a one-off horror, something I was going to receive an apology for \u2014 any minute now.<\/p>\n